Colobus Monkeys Are Satan

We went to the zoo today. It was all kinds of fun, wasn't it foot,
remember when you and me and the wheelchair decided to go rolling off
down that slight incline and we almost plowed right through a family of
Chinese tourists? Haha, yeah, and then I grabbed the wheels when I saw
what was going to happen if I didn't slow down and I got friction burns
on my hands and we all left skid marks on the walkway. AWESOME.

And then when Mom parked me right in front of the Colubus Monkey cage.
And wandered off before I could tell her that I have honestly, literally
had nightmares about Colubus monkeys and their weird faces and drapey
fur. They are like weird old ghosts, with hands. Although, the Nightmare
Colubus was the size of a wise old orangutan, and had a much more
similar face to the of the one with the blanket at the zoo. And it
chased me. And by "chased," I mean it floated around behind me making
spider noises. You know the noises spiders make. The weird clicking that
I am SURE I heard that time that big old fat tarantula-sized "house
spider" (that's what it really was, my mom brought it somewhere to ask)
crawled ONTO MY FACE while I was ASLEEP when I was only 8 YEARS OLD and
traumatized me for the REST OF MY LIFE.

Seriously, I love animals, and stuff, but going to the zoo is almost
entirely torture. Especially when those lemurs are making their weird
old bird noises.

That's why I like reptiles. All nice and friendly and silent and, you
know, and then they RIP YOUR HEAD OFF. But only if they are alligators
and crocodiles. And then the Gila monsters, which will POISON YOU TO
DEATH.

I did have one moment of pride, though. I pointed out to both my parents
that the little pile of white stuff? At the front of the cage? That's
Komodo Dragon excrement!!!

Now can you please send me to Purdue so I can be a reptile vet, Dad? A
reptile vet with SOUL??

--mk