I Hate Kids Movies.

What the heck kinds of names are Pongo and Perdita?? I have never heard
those names before in my life...how ridiculous.

--mk

I went to Pike Place Market today.

Hobo 1: I appreciate it, man.
Hobo 2: No, I appreciate it.
Hobo 1: No! I appreciate it!
Hobo 2: Well, somebody's gotta appreciate it.

I am not sure. One of them was holding a guitar.

--mk

What kind of tip is that?!

When you search for something on Google, a little tip comes up at the
top of your search results. This evening, the tip wassomething like,
"Save time by hitting 'return' instead of 'Search'." I am confused as to
who this tip is supposed to help save time. Like, ancient mummies who
really cannot move their arm from the keyboard to the mouse in under
three minutes? People who manage to misplace their mouse in between
navigating to Google and typing into the search box?

And also, I am curious as to what kinds of things these people are
searching for. I imagine things like "how many breaths can I cut out of
my day to save time" and "how much time does the average person spend
pooping in a day". Possibly even, "what can I do with the extra 2.3
seconds I am about to save by hitting 'return' instead of 'Search'.

Probably the only hit it would turn up is this blog. And, I just spent
a whole, like, ten minutes thumb-typing this, so I am probably not going
to be able to tell you what to do with that WHOLE EXTRA 2 seconds. I am
so sorry.

--mk

Can You Hire Paparazzi?

I think my favorite part of being a celebrity would be all the pictures
on the internet of me staring blankly at the display of packaged salads
and dressings at the grocery store. And, pictures of me spending like 12
minutes digging through my seemingly empty oversized bags trying to find
a set of keys, and when I pull them out and stick them in the lock they
aren't my car keys and they get stuck and I spend another half hour
using every muscle I possess to wrench them out of the lock.
Now do you understand why I might need a bodyguard??

--mk

How...

...did Justin Timberlake make it onto my "gangster" playlist?!

--mk

Why...

...is there confetti in the bread maker?

--mk